Finding a reason 04 May 14 | 0 Comments

… maybe the reason why I’m going through so much right now is that it’s helping to make things clear what I really, truly want. Maybe I’ve been floating through life, indecisive, and now that I’m confronted with a few deadlines and/or coming up to things that are probably inevitable, it’s becoming clearer what I really want.

Maybe that’s what is happening.

And I hope that by knowing what I really want, I can be brave enough to take the steps to get these things that I want.

Life is such a challenge. And I’m trying to stay positive and find the positive in it all. I hope God is by my side through this.

That I have love 20 Apr 14 | 0 Comments

Why hello, Blog. It has been a while.

I had to pull away from this project for a while because I was starting to feel a bit of pressure and stress from having to keep up with it, and it was starting to affect the way I approached my days. So, a little break seemed necessary.

Also, a list of things started to happen and very gradually, my heart was slowly breaking from sadness and disappointment in things not working out, or things going in a direction that I didn’t want to go. I’m not necessarily going to go into each thing that I’ve been grappling with here on the blog. But I will write about one thing — which is funny because it’s probably one that most people would choose not to write about online if they were to pick from the list of things that have been weighing on my mind.

This is also something that has been breaking my heart significantly because I had so much hope in it. And it is that my sweet little crush started to see someone new. He started dating someone and I am so utterly sad about it.

{I literally had to pause a second there to cry a bit.}

Just something so heartbreaking to happen in the middle of my dealing with other things that also make me sad. Thank you for that, Universe. You’re a pal.

I found out about it at our friend’s thesis exhibition when I saw them walking to the museum with their arms around each other and I cannot even begin to tell you how far my heart dropped. There was no indication that this was happening, and only a few days ago, when I posted on Facebook how sad I was feeling, he said he’d offer me a hug. (I never got that hug.)

My friend and I have been analyzing the situation (as us girls do), and have come to the conclusion that he’s not in a place in life to make solid, rash, decisions and that he’s just taking the obvious and available route in most cases (dating and job related….).

I expressed with my friend how I felt like this makes me question my gut feelings about things — I for SURE thought he felt the same way for me as I did (DO) for him — and she sweetly said that the intuition I felt is real and to never doubt it.

He does care for me, I know this. The night of the exhibition, our friends went to a tavern close by and he broke away from his date to come sit next to me to talk. To ask me why I’ve been feeling sad. It was the most bittersweet conversation I’ve had in a long time. It was so sweet of him to take the time to sit specifically with me and chat, specifically with me. But it was incredibly bitter knowing that he would later be leaving with her. He is with her, and that is slowly tearing my heart.

But, I think I am going to be ok. I will continue to feel the sad until I no longer feel it. The important thing is to keep striving to be happy with myself and with what my life is, and to not let this overpower me. I just need to feel content with the way things are going and I need to understand that things are happening for a reason and happening when they need to.

In an effort to bring me comfort, my friend sent me this:

Screen Shot 2014-04-20 at 12.20.42 PM

One thing that has happened while I’ve been swimming in the sad is seeing the incredible outpouring of love and support from my friends. OH MY GOODNESS, MY FRIENDS ARE MY BIGGEST BLESSING. Even while they haven’t any clue of what I’ve going through (this, among others), they have shown so much love and I cannot even begin to express how much that means to me. I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE THE FRIENDS THAT I DO. I love them. I love them all with all of my heart and every being of my soul. I adore them and I have no idea how I can ever express that love and gratitude back to them. I hope they feel it back from me.

Maybe that’s the biggest lesson I need to take from all this deep heartache I’ve been feeling. That I have love.

Ok. 07 Apr 14 | 2 Comments

Last week made me feel incredibly blue, and everyday, I’d wake up in complete panic. This morning, still the same panicked awakening, but then followed with a bit of clarity. Situations haven’t changed (and on Friday, a big, heartbreaking thing was added to this list), but this OK feeling is helping me so much this morning. I feel like I can deal with things and I feel like everything will be ok.

Everything will be ok.

i know I’ve been horribly absent from this blog/project, but maybe I’m ready to come back. We’ll see. I’ve been dealing with some things.

hiccup. hiccup. 10 Mar 14 | 0 Comments

BLOG FAIL!!!

But I won’t let this little hiccup stop me from continuing this project. I just need to sort some things out and get re-motivated.

It’s ok to have missteps, as long as I pick myself back up.

THE SHORTEST ONE YET. 07 Mar 14 | 0 Comments

1. Sun

2. Hipsters

3. Naps

(wow, uber lazy about this today.)

Just got home. I need a better system to this! 06 Mar 14 | 0 Comments

1. Tonight, I went to a really inspirational design lecture. The presenter, Ben Jenkins, is just this guy who went for it — simplified his life and then found great success from it. His talk was so quote-worthy, but one of my favorites was “Give up what you don’t value for things that you do value” — beautiful. I’m glad I went to this, because I had not intended to go.

2. Friends who make convince you to do things. Thanks, Kirsten and Jenny, for suggesting that I come along.

3. Keeping this thing up. I know my last several posts have been complete shit. But at least I’m trying to keep this going! That counts for something!!

A few of my favorite things 05 Mar 14 | 0 Comments

1. Yesterday, while driving through the parking lot at the grocery store, I saw a man walk out with a little bundle of tulips. I honestly think one of my most favorite things in the world is knowing men still buy their loves flowers. Makes me smile!

2. Handwritten notes. On the drive home, I was thinking about all the little notes that my friends and I used to pass to each other in the school halls. It’s sad that kids in this modern world will probably not do that as often since there are so many other ways for them to communicate. I’m glad that I grew up in a world pre-internet since it makes me appreciate the wonder that is a handwritten note. If I ever have children one day, I’m going to make an effort to emphasize the beauty behind writing things on paper.

3. Hearing old songs that I haven’t heard in a long time, but used to absolutely love! On the radio this morning, they were playing snippets of a some of Ace of Base’s big hits in the 90’s (yes, ACE OF BASE) and ohhh the jamming that was happening! I completely forgot how much I used to love those songs! Nice little reminder to rediscover things that was once a daily obsession!

12-31-13 ... A note about the site

The design of this website is by Derek Punsalan.