I went shopping with a friend lately, trying out different boutiques around town. And in one boutique, she pulled up a top and said, “I can totally see you wearing this!”

But the thing is, of all the things in that shop, that looked like something I’d be least likely to pick out (I especially didn’t like the color) … and if I were to wear it, it’s something I’d put on on days where I’m just feeling fat. LOL!

I suppose I’m a bit defensive of what I think defines my style. Lots of times when people say “oh this is so Kathy” they hit it on the nail, but then there are times when they pull something up that’s supposedly me, and it’s so off-base that I wonder why do you think that would be me?

It’s actually a very flattering thing when I feel like people get me. We’re all multi-dimensional, but when they understand at least one aspect of my personality and what I hold dear to my life, it makes me feel like they’re connected to me and my sensibilities. Like they understand why I think the way I do, or express myself in my way, or am how I am. But when a part of their definition of me is not-so-me, as in the case of this silly top, I feel like maybe you don’t get me as well as I thought you get me. … or maybe it was just a guess that happens to be wrong, and I’m reading too much into it.

This scenario makes me a little more cautious whenever I, personally say, “oh this is so you” or “trust me, you’ll like it” … cause who am I to say what your tastes would be or what things define what you are. And most of all, why should these things be definitions of what people are?

Just because I like cupcakes, doesn’t mean that every cupcake is “so me” or that I go gaga over every cupcake. Or, just because Apolo Ohno is involved in this TV special, or is endorsing that product doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m going to make all efforts be sure I watch it, or will go out and buy whatever he’s hocking.

I’m going to try to stop defining people by their interests, and make more of an effort to better understand what those interests are and WHY they are drawn to these things in the first place. And perhaps by doing so, I’ll get a better understanding of why they are they way they are and why they contribute to making my own life feel all the more whole. Every once in a while when I am for certain that something is “so you” I will say it … but will only say it sparingly and when I know that it is something that they would appreciate, and that they would appreciate my knowing it would appeal to them. Hopefully it’ll be a subtle way of saying, “I get you. This is something that you enjoy, but it isn’t the absolute definition of you.”

I want to write … but gosh if only I can find the energy at the end of the day when I have time to write.

This is becoming a very common theme to this sadly dusty little blog of mine.

Also, I need to renew this sucker.

For the past couple of months, I’ve had close to zero desire to write. It’s fairly obvious from this seemingly blank blog that that’s the case. Almost seems like every 4 months or so, I feel the need to write about how I either don’t have time to write, don’t have the energy to write, or don’t have the desire to write. And while that’s become my new norm, I don’t feel like that’s the real me.

During my college days when I first started blogging, I would strongly look forward to the end of the day, when I’d get home and get to write about my daily musings. Whatever it might be. And while my writings were often-times a bit naive, or amateur, simply random and incoherent. It didn’t matter, because I was passionate about writing and expressing my young thoughts. I LOVED it. It felt natural, and it felt cathartic. It felt like a part of me.

And sadly, I’ve lost that part of me.

I haven’t always loved writing in my short little life, but sometime during my late teens and early 20s, I grew fond of it and the craft of it. While I wouldn’t consider myself the best writer, I wouldn’t say that I’m horrible at it either. (Despite my literary flaws, I’m sure.)

My recent writing short-comings have dominantly to do with my busy schedule and my almost unhealthy dedication to work. I’ve learned to be fully committed to whatever it is I am involved in—school, work, whatever—almost to the point where I put my own self on the back-burner. It’s great to work hard, but I should learn not to compromise my energy in the process.

Apolo Anton Ohno recently posted on his twitter: “Two days until the weekend. Leave nothing behind in your efforts. Not happy? Make a change. One life Your world Your choice”

It really struck me. Right around the time he posted this, I was thinking about how my life has become so monotone and so work-centric. I spend the good hours of my day at a desk, and rarely allow myself to take breaks. I know I should take more control over how I’m letting my projects take control over me; and I tell myself over and over that I’m allowed to stop and take a breather, or to take a real lunch break or even take a 10 minute brain-break to allow my mind to stretch and breathe.

If I’m not happy, I need to make a change. I know this. I know it. I need to believe it and to live it. And to apply it.

Today, on PostSecret this was posted:

I absolutely love that because it’s what I’m trying to to get my mind to adapt.

“Be wise enough not to be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks”

Yet another mantra I need to apply to my life. I don’t take as many risks in my life as I need to because I’m so scared of being reckless with my decisions. But if I can learn to know the difference, I can perhaps alter my life to find the true passion and happiness that I deserve to have. My life is comfortable right now, but I know it’s not exactly where I wish to be at this age.

I am ready to make a great risk, to make a change. One life. My world. My choice.

I need to remember that I was once brave enough to take risks. To defy odds. To prove myself.

Wow. I really meant for this post to be about trying to rediscover my joys in writing, but I guess it evolved into something else. That’s the power of writing that I once really understood. It’s time to make a change, so I can discover and rediscover things like that again.

This is one of my favorite songs at the moment, and watching this cutie’s version of the song makes me love it even more! (Seriously, I got super teary eyed! I swear, if I’m ever blessed enough to have children, I am going to be one SAPPY mother! Cause they way I get teary eyed for these kids that I don’t even know is crazy!)

Hey Soul Sister by Train

I CANNOT stop watching Glee’s version of Madonna’s Vogue. Someone put together a side-by-side comparison of the real video vs. Glee’s version. I love it!

♥ Grandma Rosa. I didn’t know you very well, sadly; but I still remember playing my clarinet for you when I was 14 and how completely proud you were of me, your granddaughter. Thank you for being very loving to me, even though we were thousands of miles apart. I’ll see you again one day. Please kiss grandpapa for me. ♥

This is a commercial that aired during The Olympics (posts of my experience in Vancouver coming soon, I promise!), that makes me bawl.

*sniff* someone pass me a tissue!